Group Therapy
by AshlandBarnes17
Summary: It didnt work. You woke up in the Hospital. Now you have to go to the Hospital’s group therapy. Its just as crappy as you thought, until you meet Connor Murphy. One-shot. TW-suicide and sucidal thoughts. Depression, anxiety.


**(A/N): I wasn't sure what to rate this so I rated it T. Your name is Madison in this, just because I hate when authors do the (y/n) and it makes you realize you're reading a fanfic instead of being there. Anyways, enjoy.**

Depression was still a thing of mystery to you. Some days you'd wake up feeling like everything was better, that nothing in the world could ever tear you down. Then out of no where the shadow crept into your mind. It took over you, drowning you in the dark waters of your thoughts as you struggled to scream for help. It was like you were screaming out in a crowded room but no one ever turned to look in your direction.

At first you tried to distract yourself from your emotions… you weren't depressed you were just going through an angsty teenage moment. That what you told yourself at least. You surrounded yourself with school, focusing on keeping your grades up. That worked for awhile until your brain just stopped. Each time you looked at the pile of homework you felt tears building up in your eyes. The time table with large circles dates and times of your exams cause anxiety to flood your mind. You started to fake being sick so you could stay home and avoid school. That helped for a little bit until the sudden realisation that you now had to catch up on missed lessons hit.

You lost interested in everything. You could barely sit through a movie anymore, your brain stoped when you tried to write and you found yourself reading over the same sentence eight times before the words really stuck when you read. You soon found yourself a husk of who you were… someone who hid in their room and stared at the wall in front of them.

You tried to find help, you really did, but it didn't work. You laughed and played off your words as jokes. You were to scared to let your friends realise the truth behind your late night talks. When your mother caught you blankly staring at your reflection and asked what's wrong you just grinned and lied saying you were daydreaming. You didn't want to worry her… you couldn't let her know that you were staring at a reflection of someone you didn't even recognise anymore. Your web of I'm okay's had gotten out of hand and at some point you could no longer keep it in check. Unfortunately that spiral of uncontrollable melancholy and hatred was what lead you to that dreadful night. Your mind numb as you counted your mom's sleeping pills over and over again.

Twenty two… twenty two pills taken in a matter of seconds was going to be your final act in the world.

This was a sin.

A mortal sin.

You'd go straight to hell as your faith told you.

Shit.

You had to go and think. If you had just hurried and done it. Maybe you still could.

You'll be the talk of the school for a week or two before everyone forgets you. In a month you'll be a passing thought… a year a name people barely recognise, in ten a nameless ghost.

One pill...

Two...

You can still remember the room spinning, the soft hum of your music becoming a dull haze as your eyes closed. For the first time in months you felt content as you slipped away. You felt relief as you felt nothing anymore.

You still don't know if it was good or bad luck that your mother came home early that day and found you. After all rather then slipping into darkness you woke up nearly a day later in a painfully bright room that smelt of lemon disinfectant. Your mother cried, sobbing that's she was sorry for not noticing while your father glared at the floor. He was mad… but not at you rather at himself, the small twitching of his eye giving away is feelings despite the emotionless facade he tries so hard to put on.

Soon you had a number of doctors and overly happy nurses popping in and out of the room. You couldn't be bothered to remember any of their names, it wasn't like they would remember yours once you left anyway. The word depression finally turned into a diagnoses, talks of antidepressants and therapy became regular as you soon found yourself being pushed into attending the hospitals support group for high risk youth. A decision the doctors claimed would help your recovery.

You didn't want to go, you had no intent of sitting in a circle and sharing how much you hated life but you knew you had to do it. Your Mother wrapped you in a tight hug before you left, her voice wavering as she tried to hold back even more tears "this will help you sweetie… maybe talking some people your own age will help you realise that your not so alone." Her smile was forced, she was never good at hiding her emotions. No you inherited that characteristic from the male side of the family. Your father placed his hand on your shoulder, nodding his head in silent encouragement as he gave you a small push towards the door. Silent but stern, you knew there was no way you could talk your way out of this now. Not while he stood outside.

It took all your effort to step through the heavy door, your mind drowning in possible situations. What if everyone hates you? What if this just further proves how messed up your brain is? You felt your chest tighten as you struggled to breath. "Ah you must be Madison, you're just in time" a voice far too cheerful parted your thoughts. Quickly you look up, your hands clenched at your sides.

"Don't look so petrified love, you look a deer in headlights!" A middle aged women approached you, her eyes wrinkling slightly as she grinned. She seemed like the type of women who longed for he hippy decade again. Clothes bright coloured and smile forever stitched on her ageing face. Somehow you managed to force out a small "hi" your voice sounding strained and forced as the words ripped from your throat. Never once did the smile leave her face as she started rambling about the program. You stoped listening after awhile but you got the basics. Her name was Tori, a name that truly didn't seem to fit her overly enthusiastic attitude. She was the group counsellor and her 'mission' was to make a safe and welcoming space for youth to speak about their feelings. To you it sounded like scripted bullcrap but you got the impression she believed every single word that she spoke.

You nodded along, hoping that Tori would leave you be if you just stayed silent for long enough. Turns out your plan worked as her little speech came to end, her smile dropping just for second before returning "Please try and meet some of the others, I'll call you over when we start" you could have cringed at her words, meet the others? Yeah nothing could go wrong there. Who wouldn't want to become friends with someone who just tried to kill themselves a little under a week ago.

You allowed your eyes to wander around the room. A grand total of four people were all awkwardly standing around the outside of the room. A girl around your age was leaning against the wall, her eyes glued to her phone as she ignored the world around her. Beside her was a guy, maybe 16 if he was lucky. Face littered with acne as he chewed on his fingernails. You almost laughed at the two, they didn't seem like they would get along yet every so often the girl would tilt her phone enough to show him something and they would share a laugh. The other girl took your interest, she was staring at the food laid out on the table in front of her. Her hands were pulling at the sleeves of her oversized hoodie anxiously, her eyes flicking between the food and the ground as if contemplating to eat or not. It didn't take much to connect the dots with why she was here.

All you could think about was how you were stuck in a room filled with lost and confused teens. Wasn't this such a fun way to spend your Friday afternoon. With hesitation you decided to just go along with the ride, your feet moving towards the one person in the room you hadn't analysed yet. A boy whose sharp features made him stand out among the group. Skin pale but eyes dark as if he hadn't slept in weeks and his lean body slumped in his chair as his attention was on a small sketch pad in his lap.

You said nothing as you slid in the chair beside him, your hands anxiously placed in your lap. He didn't look up, eyes glued to the page as his hands delicately moved the pencil along the page. The once blank page was decorated with sketches of nature. Trees and open fields coming to life with each small detail. "You're really good" you spoke, your mouth feeling dry as the words escaped you. Quickly his hand stopped moving, his eyes flicking up to meet yours.

"Yeah thanks" he muttered, his voice rough and cold as if he was trying to shut down the conversation as quickly as possible. Your heart raced when his eyes meet yours for a reason unknown, it felt as if he was staring right into your soul. You quickly snap your eyes away when you realised you were still staring… your brain filling out with loud voices and shouts. He hates you already, you messed up, you stared way to long to be considered normal. Suddenly a loud thump was heard as he placed his pencil down, a small sigh leaving him before he started to speak again "Your new aren't you?"

You nod allowing a small laugh to pass through your lips. "That obvious huh?" The boy gave a lopsided smirk and rolled his eyes "with such a small group it's pretty obvious when a new face shows up… also I just witness you endure Miss Happy go lucky's speech about this being a safe positive environment, even a perfectly healthy person would start thinking about ending it after that fluff show"

Your eyes widened, he was so casual as he spoke. Ever since you woke up people had been tip toeing around you, careful of what they said in case it pushed you over the edge. It was actually refreshing to hear someone be so open about it. Your shoulders shake as a laugh bubbles up from your chest, your hand covering your mouth to muffle it. "I'm pretty sure it's against the positivity guidelines to joke about that" you tease, a smile spreading across you features.

"In case you didn't realise it by now I don't give a crap about the guidelines" he grumbled, pushing a lock of dark hair out of his face. You roll your eyes and snicker "perhaps that's why your still here isn't it… um" your sentence trailed off, the sudden realisation that you still didn't know his name crashing over you. "Connor, its Connor" Connor… the name seemed to make your heart flutter when you repeated it quietly in your head. His brow rose slightly as you stayed silent "this is were you usually say yours, it common curtesy really." Connor spoke, a hint of teasing in his tone.

"Sorry… sorry it's Madison, yes like the last name, nice to meet you Connor" you cringed at how formal you sounded. Connor nodded, his lips parting before Tori's loud voice interrupted him. "Can everyone come take a seat now? We're going to start with introductions today!" As if planed you and Connor groaned at the same time, a small smile crossing both of you as you realised your shared reaction.

"I guess we should get moving huh…" you mutter, forcing yourself to stand up from the plastic seat. Connor just hummed, shoving his sketch book in his bag before standing. You could help but trail your eyes down his figure, he was far taller then you originally thought. Hesitantly you started to make your way towards the semi circle of seats in the centre, your heartbeat increasing the closer you got. All your fears started to come back to you… they did at least until you felt a large hand on your shoulder and a voice speak.

"Hey… wanna sit together? I normally downplay the crap out of Miss positives talks but it could be more entertaining to do it with someone else" his tone was still rough and cold but it had the hint of sincerity, as if he was trying to cheer you up. You nodded, feeling your fears slowly slip away as Connor lead you towards the rest of the group. Maybe, just maybe, this group wouldn't be so bad after all…


End file.
